why didn't you poke me back
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I am naked and annoyed.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
