I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
