At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
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