my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
