Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
