I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
