Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
