Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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