I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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