Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
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