haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I want to have your abortion
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
