I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
