I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
