This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize