I molested 6 butterflies tonight
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
