Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
