I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
