that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
