i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
