my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize