38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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