so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
