haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
