hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Randomize
