Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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