just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Randomize
