super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
