my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
