My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize