I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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