He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
