Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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