Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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