Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I will be naked everywhere
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
