She's JV to your varsity
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
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