Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
