What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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