I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize