I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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