I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
