So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
