So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
