I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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