So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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