Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
