Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
