So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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