he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
As shirtless as possible
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
