remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
