You smell like stripper and shame
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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