He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
