They should really pass out barf bags in church
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
