Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
