I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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