Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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