I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
