she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
