I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
