I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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