did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
