I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
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