this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
