someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
