the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
