I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Randomize
