i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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