I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
