Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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